Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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