i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
