his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
