My cat gives me a boner
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Too much gin, very little bucket
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
