I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
