I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
