I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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