Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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