I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
