Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
