Ambien. No doubt about it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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