New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
