id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
