i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
