the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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