im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
