I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
