you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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