I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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