nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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