Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
