Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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