So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
