And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
