what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
