I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
