some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
