Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
