Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
