i just had sex bonerless
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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