Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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