best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
