a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
