I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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