16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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