Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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