I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
