we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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