I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
