Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she told me i tasted like america
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
