I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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