I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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