We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
