my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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