youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
