i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
