YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
