Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
