Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
