Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
