I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
