So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
