I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
