Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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