After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
