Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
